I have a friend. Let’s call her… Breta. Breta was a Hangry Chick who constantly ran behind schedule. She never had enough time to think about breakfast in the morning, let alone properly plan for inevitable hanger attacks throughout the day. So when hanger struck, Breta would call upon cheap and easy fixes: vending machines, drive-thrus or – God forbid – buffets. All-you-can-eat buffets, that is, often necessitating pants with elastic waist bands and post-meal naps. Because she did not allocate a handful of minutes in the morning to arm herself with healthy snacks, Breta became a food whore: when hanger hit, she would stuff anything in her mouth to avoid hanger meltdowns.
Breta has come a long way. Even though she acknowledges that she will run on a time deficit until the dawn of the next ice age, she now manages her hanger with the measured discipline of a Spartan warrior. I mean, a Spartan cheerleader. One can look at the contents of Breta’s purse to see that her lack of preparation gave way to the type of smart strategery that would make a misunderestimated Decider-in-Chief like George W. Bush proud. Showing incomparable magnanimity, Breta provided permission to let us see the contents of her purse: “Fine. But keep your goddamn hands off my ’Nana Nugget.”
Apparently someone is getting hangry.
In the picture below, we can see quickly that no matter where she is, Breta is ready to take hanger to the wood shed for a hard lesson in submission. (Except for that morning when she locked herself out of the house for three hours, wearing pajamas. No coffee, no breakfast, no purse. Hanger clearly had her in a headlock until the locksmith arrived.)
Look at Breta’s arsenal of hanger-killing weaponry, which she loads into her purse in less than five minutes: Luna bars, tuna fish and the ’Nana Nugget that she covets with the same zealotry that Gollum covets the Ring. Breta kindly agreed to share her ’Nana Nugget recipe with the hope that it will keep others from being victimized by hanger:
Tear (or bookmark) this page from Breta’s playbook. Take 5 minutes each morning to stock your purse with a few healthy snacks that will liberate you from hanger’s sinister control. If you are feeling as magnanimous as my friend Breta, take a few minutes right now to respond to this post with recommendations for other portable, hanger-squashing snacks. Hanger doesn’t have a chance when Hangry Chicks unite!