Decadent Oatmeal Fit for A Queen Bee (by Greta)

Lorde said it best:

No, Lorde, we never will be royals. Indeed, it is not in our blood, and nay, nay – that luxe and buzz clearly are not for us. But lo! You touch upon a great truth! You can be a ruler! You can be called Queen Bee! In the kingdom of food, you can live this fantasy! How? This wise, olde (so old it’s olde) adage, written by sage philosopher Anon Y. Mous, is a declaration of our divine right to royalty at breakfast time:


Why eat like a king at breakfast and a pauper at dinner? I think this visual sums up the answer nicely.


Every single morning, I wake up hangry and besieged by low blood sugar, which is why smiles, good cheer and sunshine cannot be found within a 10-mile radius of my person. Therefore, as soon as I open my eyes, I’m ready to strap on a feedbag before I even utter the words “good morning.”  That’s why I start my day with a breakfast fit for a king (or queen). We’re talking about a high-calorie (typically not less than 600), high-fat (good fat for maximum satiety), nutrient-dense breakfast.

My default breakfast is my Real Foodie Shake. Every once in a while, though, I crave a warm, stick-to-your-ribs sort of breakfast. You know – the type of breakfast that is fit for a lumberjack, a longshoreman or a sumo wrestler. At times like this, I turn to a recipe that fills my hangry belly like no other breakfast: QUEEN BEE OATMEAL. When I eat this breakfast at 9:00 AM, I don’t even think about food until 2:00 PM. After bellying up to a bowl of QUEEN BEE OATMEAL, not even the dwarfish temptresses called “Girl Scouts” can lure me with the siren song of Samoa cookies. UPON FINISHING OFF A HEAPING HELPING OF QUEEN BEE OATMEAL, I HAVE THE ENERGY TO COMPLETE A 10-K RUN, LIFT MULTIPLE BARBELLS WITH MY BARE HANDS, AND OPEN HEAVY DOORS FOR NOT ONE BUT SEVEN OLD PEOPLE, USING CANES, WALKERS AND SUCH!

Are you ready to experience the mighty morphin power of QUEEN BEE OATMEAL? LESSDOIT.

  • 1 Tablespoon chia seeds
  • 1 Tablespoon hulled hemp seed
  • 1 Tablespoon raw pepitas (pumpkin seeds)
  • 4 walnut halves (finely chopped)
  • 2 Brazil nuts (finely chopped)

Put all five of these ingredients in a small bowl, and soak them in room temperature water for at least 45 minutes in order to activate their enzymes. (You can also prep these ingredients earlier – they can soak overnight.) Don’t drown them; just barely cover the seeds and nuts with a few ounces of water.


  • 1/2 cup oatmeal (GLUTEN-FREE OPTION: I use Bob’s Red Mill gluten-free quick cooking oats.)
  • 3/4 cup water
  • 1/2 ripe banana (cut into thin slices)
  • 1/4 cup unsweetened, flaked coconut (again, Bob’s Red Mill is my go-to brand)
  • 1 Tablespoon almond butter
  • OPTIONAL: Raw, local honey to taste (I’m a purist and rely only on the sugar from fruit to sweeten dishes; however, if you want to amp up the sweetness of this oatmeal, try a couple teaspoons of honey)

Combine the oats and water, and cook the oatmeal however you prefer. Cooking time will depend on whether you are using quick or old-fashioned oats. The cooking method is a matter of preference – you can nuke it for 1.5 to 2 minutes or cook it on a stovetop. I cook quick oats on the stove top for 3 minutes.
Once the oatmeal is done cooking, dump all of the ingredients in a bowl, and thoroughly mix in the hot oatmeal. You’ll want to use a big bowl – a vessel of royal proportions – as this recipe yields one generous helping.

queen bee oatmeal
With one bite, you’ll appreciate how this breakfast will activate your super powers. The rich textures of the nuts and seeds are a delicious accompaniment to the tropical coconut flakes and banana. The undertones of almond butter add a lavish layer of decadence that catapults the flavor into regal realms. Take one look at the nutritional profile of your bountiful bowl of QUEEN BEE OATMEAL, and you’ll appreciate how this breakfast is capable of sustaining you into the late afternoon.

Oatmeal of Champions (gluten-free)
Now, you’re probably thinking, “Great Odin’s raven, that’s a caloric wallop!” Or maybe you’re thinking, “Son of a bee sting, 41 grams of fat?” My response to you is simple. First of all, I respect you and thank you for quoting Ron Burgundy in your thoughts. Well done. Second of all, we need to ditch the notion that a low-fat, low-calorie diet is the right path to good health and optimal hanger control. My weight is ideal, my health is stellar, and my days always begin with a queenly, lumberjacky meal.
“But Greta,” you’re thinking, “What if I don’t want to start my day with a bowl of oatmeal that could feed a family of four in Sierra Leone?”
Here’s where I get to celebrate and promote the differences between my beloved sister and me. Natalie typically starts her days with a lighter breakfast, involving oatmeal of course. In fact, the 1st Hangry Chick Post, authored by Natalie, features one of her fantastic oatmeal recipes. So if you didn’t wake up feeling like a longshoreman, try Natalie’s lighter rendition of oatmeal. Or check out our Hangry Chicks page on Facebook where Natalie posted another iteration of her favorite breakfast (on July 9), including almond milk, banana, peanut butter and chia seeds.
Finally, if you like the idea of trying QUEEN BEE OATMEAL but the portion is too abundant for your body, KEEP CALM. I offer an easy alternative called the mini-queen bee oatmeal. Simply cut all quantities of ingredients in half! Yes, it’s just that easy! Now, CARRY ON.


2 responses

  1. WHAT? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? That’s BRILLIANT Oatmeal. Again with the creativity in your food choices. Makes we want to get Bionic in the morning! That’s FIVE hours you aren’t hungry or HANGRY. I call that like as smart as Malcolm Gladwell… in the rhelm of food nutrition and not starving your body. You two are gonna live to ‘ahundred.

    • I’ll live to 108 and Natalie can live to 100 — I don’t want her to have to write Hangry Chicks blog posts alone. Thanks for the kind words, Mom. Creativity is the name of the game, especially when I refrain from using food containing gluten, sugar, dairy and processed foods. The great thing is that there is so much real food and amazing spices out there, able to keep dishes and life fun and interesting.

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