You live to sleep until noon on weekends. Your significant other wakes up before the sun. Your dream vacation includes spas, lazy rivers and sipping margaritas on the beach. Your partner’s perfect getaway involves the Running of the Bulls, hang gliding and volcano boarding. Your idea of a lazy Sunday includes watching Sharknado and Snakes on a Plane, but your mate prefers an Ice Road Truckers marathon. Is it true? Do opposites attract? And if they do attract, is it a good thing or a disaster waiting to happen?

 

Being a lover of research and seeker of truth, I took these questions into our Midwestern Hangry Chicks kitchen, using the scientific method and a meticulously executed experiment to find definitive answers. The East Coast Hangry Chicks kitchen will replicate this experiment to validate results, and I encourage all Hangry Chicks followers to do the same in their own kitchens.

 

Cutting to the chase and driving to the bottom line: I humbly offer proof that opposites absotively posilutely attract. And when they do, strap on your lederhosen and bring out the Oompah band because you’ll be doing the dance of joy when you see – and taste – the results of this union.

 

To begin, I offer my proof in the construct of the scientific method.

Completing the requisite background research was effortless, thanks to eHarmony and its 29 Dimensions® of Compatibility System. In eHarmony’s database of 20 million registered users, all I needed to do was to find two subjects that were completely incompatible across the 29 dimensions. In a matter of minutes, I found our test couple: I am pleased to introduce you to Chocolate and Firm Tofu.

Without delving into the details of the 29 dimensions, suffice it to say that their profiles alone illustrate the high degree of differences between the two subjects. Despite Chocolate and Firm Tofu’s stunning lack of compatibility, three things told me these opposites would, indeed attract: (1) my intuition, (2) my gut and (3) Paula Abdul.

With my subjects identified, it was time to put their compatibility to the test with this strikingly simple, remarkably healthy recipe.

Yields 4 servings:

• 16-oz. package of firm tofu
• ½ cup unsweetened cocoa powder (I love the Ghirardelli brand)
• ¼ cup unsweetened almond milk
• 1 large, very ripe banana, sliced
• ¼ cup unsweetened coconut, plus an extra ¼ cup to be used as a garnish
• ¼ cup of Stevia in the Raw or Truvia (you may want to go with 1/3 cup to make it a little sweeter; adjust amount to suit your sweetness preference)
• 3 teaspoons of pure vanilla extract
• Approx. ¼ cup raw, chopped pecans to be used as a garnish (or raw chopped almonds or walnuts or a combination of the three nuts)

 

Combine the tofu, cocoa, almond milk, banana, ¼ cup coconut, sweetener and vanilla extract in a blender, and blend until the texture is smooth and creamy.

Side note: If you have read any of my recent posts, you know that I am homeless, living in a hotel. Don’t cry for me, Argentina. The truth is I never left you. And the truth is I did not have access to a blender. I only had my Oster hand mixer, so I did the best I could to blend the ingredients without frying the motor. I have to admit, my mixture wasn’t as smooth as it should be – the texture was reminiscent of wet cement, but the flavor still took my taste buds for a joy ride.

Taste the mixture to ensure that it is sweet enough. If it needs a little more sugar, sprinkle another 1-2 tablespoons over the mixture, add then mix – briefly – again. Then use four of your cutest, little dessert dishes to enhance the presentation of the mousse. Given my limited resources at this fine establishment known as Candlewood Suites, the extent of my darling dessert-ware was restricted to little juice glasses. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not bitching about using juice glasses as dessert dishes. As I write, innocent civilians are dying in the Gaza Strip and members of ISIS are committing unthinkable crimes against humanity. So who gives a shit about dessert dishes? Eat this mouse directly from your blender – it will still knock the wool socks off your taste buds.

Before serving – in your blender, your juice glass, or a Lalique Honfleur crystal bowl, crafted by French, chain-smoking artisans who despise Americans – you must complete one more critical step: very generously garnish the mousse with the coconut and pecans. Don’t skimp. These garnishes will offer a moment of interactive joy for the lucky people who get to eat it. By stirring the coconut and pecans into their mousse, your dining companions will feel like they had a hand creating this exquisitely nutritious dessert. Gift that feeling to them. Even if they don’t deserve it.

 

Now taste it. Smell it. Feel the texture of our two opposites – Chocolate and Firm Tofu – making sweet love on your tongue, like uninhibited, long-lost lovers in the light of a blue moon, rolling in wet sand on the shores of Seychelles, while listening to the song of a lone jazz flute in the distance. Awwwww yeahhhhhh. When Firm Tofu is in the sweet embrace of Chocolate’s strong, rich, sumptuous flavor, Tofu’s nondescript, forgettable taste is no longer an issue. And when the blender whips Chocolate and Firm Tofu together like a punishing dominatrix, the texture of Firm Tofu lends a light, airy, creaminess to this dish, making you forget that this dessert is actually good for you. Remember those garnishes that you lavished upon this union of Chocolate and Firm Tofu? The crunch of the coconut and pecans will excite your palate as the mousse melts luxuriously in your mouth.

 

After you finish your second helping of Chocolate Tofu Mousse, tell me what you think: Was my hypothesis correct? Did opposites attract? Was the whorish seducer Chocolate a harmonious match for plain, tasteless, boring Firm Tofu? Given the purity and goodness of all the ingredients, can you deny the healthfulness of this seemingly decadent combination? Final question: Hanger? What hanger?